he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
