Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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