i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
