The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
