so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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