Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
