oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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