I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
