I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
