How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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