Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
