The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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