It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
