normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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