i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
