I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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