belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
