Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
