I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
