actually, I'm a sock model
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
