dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I could fuck to npr.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
