you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
