So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
