I wannas sexs uuuuu
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
