Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
