OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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