Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
