it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
