tell your sister to shave her snatch
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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