How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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