He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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