Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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