Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
