I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
