I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
