we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
