Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
