I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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