Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
