i can't believe i had my finger in that
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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