Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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