At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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