Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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