like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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