Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
