My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
