were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
