through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
