Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
