sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
