look no pants
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
